Remaining in mystery

The seasons are beginning to change. 

The beauty of it all enthralls me.You can feel it in the atmosphere.

You can see it on the trees.

You can literally hear it in the wind.

Something is coming.

But not yet.

That is how I am feeling.

I know God has something coming…

A shift in seasons…

Not sure what path I’ll walk down next…
I just know there appears to be limited visibility… and my paths always seem dusty…

But I continue to live in the not-yet.

As I press deeper into what God might have.

He seems content allowing me to remain in mystery.

There is tension as we live in the in-between.

I wonder if you have ever felt the same?

Honestly, it feels humbling and embarrassing to not know exactly what is next.

It feels like I have been in this current season for so long…

At times I find myself being tempted to get swept away by frustration and confusion.

Often I feel like I’m frantically spinning my wheels, but I’m not making any progress.

Yet, I want to exit this season the same way I entered…

With joyful faith…

With so much unrealistic hope that over that nearly 9 years ago we packed up our four small children, got rid of all our belongings, and began a new life in a new and unknown world.

We knew nothing and yet we had the thrill of hope.

I don’t want uncertainties and practicalities to allow hope fatigue.

For those who are looking…

They will sense the season change long before it arrives.

Tiny sign by tiny sign.

I want to be looking and noticing.

I want to be attentive and expectant.

I want to feel it in the air.

Until then, I want to be found faithful… doing whatever I can to contribute.

My current plan is to remain yielded and surrendered while making the next best decision.

I will be returning to CR to encourage hearts and foster connection in January or February.  In my absence, my ministry partner has continued to develop very intentional projects to train, equip, and bless the locals.  I am very grateful for his wisdom, heart, and hard work.

I wonder if my future missionary role might primarily consist in developing a plan to lead short-term teams to my beloved Sámara, Costa Rica.  I just don’t know.  As much as I have loved and do love Costa Rica, I would say that things rarely go as planned.

I remain deeply grateful and humbled by the love and generosity from so many.

Although I am uncertain of my future involvement in Central America, I plan to turn off all recurring giving at the end of December.  My preference and efforts are to create a way to fund all future missions work without relying on donations from my loved ones.

Although tired in some ways, I also find myself encouraged and hopeful…

On a side note… My time in Honduras was sweet, sweaty, harder than expected, but also encouraging.  The hearts, hard work, and intentionality of those missionaries felt inspirational.  One of our first assignments there was to repair the “Kubota.”  Well, I was able to celebrate the other types of gifts and intelligence that my team had (as I stood by their sides… relatively uselessly).

Yet, I did try to offer encouragement and friendship… which is a joy for me.

We were able to teach the Bible to these teachers so that they can teach the story of God’s love to their students.More than a month and a half has passed, and I remain encouraged by the hearts and the work of God’s people…

As I close this post, I ask that you continue to pray for my family.  We want to be faithful… we want to encourage hearts, offer hope,  and point people to the loving arms of Jesus.

Isaiah 30:15

15Your strength will come by being quiet and by trusting.